From the
JOKIN' AROUND DISK
by
LEEJAN ENTERPRISES
P.O. Box 66. Happy Valley.
South Australia. 5159.
Things You Are Not Too Apt to Hear:
Whoever heard of charging friends to babysit their five wonderful children,
we'll do it for free.
Today, if you buy four stamps at the Post Office, the fifth one is free!
Your honor, in sentencing me to ten years, you have been both fair and lenient.
That was indeed a real plumbing problem and I am happy to pay you $ 400 for
your work.
No, I don't mind if you smoke in the Y Shower room, matter of fact, I want to
watch.
Yes, the line is terribly long, here, take my place and I'll go to the end of
it.
God doesn't want your filthy money from dog racing and other forms of
debauchery. Oral Roberts
If the President would stop talking about what he did for the Contras, the
country could get along.
Mr. Reagan is on the seventeenth volume of his recollections of his presidency.
Richard Nixon will go into the history books as a very honest president.
Yes, officer, I deserve this ticket. Going 71 mph on the playground was too
fast.
Yes Mr. President, we are all happy that you have discovered Preparation H!
My insurance company will be more than thrilled to honor your claim.
I can hardly wait to go see my dentist.
Unquestionably, this college serves the finest of foods to the students, at
every meal, too!
Officer, what do you mean, there is a season on deer?
That's a fair price for repair of the fender, here is my first payment of $850.
Your utility bill is now seven months overdue, and we would like to hear from
you.
How utterly stupid of me to say a thing like that to you, I am terribly sorry.
I feel honored to pay only 22% on my home loan.
I want to pay those fines for parking meter violations from last year, please.
I am very happy that the new property tax only cost me $ 1,720 more this year.
Yes, most lawyers demand fees, but I am happy with whatever you wish to give
me.
Your driver's license is also expired, but I won't write up a ticket on that.
I have never seen my boss make a bad decision in business or personnel.
I've never seen anyone driving a cab who wasn't an excellent driver.
Stewardess, I just must have this receipe before I leave this plane.
I think the hospital bill was fair and reasonable.
And God told me, as I prayed, that He didn't want filthy worldly money.
My husband's attorney at the divorce was just honest and nice, all the way
through.
The only way to think of Oliver North is to think of a National Hero!
It is hard to tell you how happy I am to take out a seven year subscription to
Home and Garden.
The best way for the government to erase the debt is to raise taxes.
It is an extreme honor for me to make this contribution to your campaign fund.
The apartment is so nice it is difficult to wait to pay next month's rent.
Non-sense, there is no one I enjoy meeting more than a door-to-door part time
Bible salesperson.
If the milkshakes at McDonalds get any bigger, no one can finish one in a day.
The Warden has just announced that the cells will be carpeted in the color of
our choice.
Oh, come on in! A little mud on the kitchen floor never hurt anything.
The world really needs bigger and louder radios for cars.
We are just amazed at how reasonable it is for us to send our children to
college.
She certainly needs this tip. I hope you find her and give it to her.
That's sheer nonsense, the accident was entirely my fault.
I love my new car, but I feel that it will work much better when the motor is
put in!
I will happily pay for the replacement of the manufacturer's defect.
None of us is happy to hear about that large tax refund.
Everyone respects Vice President Quayle for his intellectuality and astute
observations.
I am happy that you won the bridge tournament, even if you cheated a little to
do it.
This country would be a whole lot better off, if Pat Robinson was President.
Don't mind about wiping your shoes, just come on in and make yourself at home.
There is no charge for your automobile repair, just enjoy your business trip.
Do come back, we enjoyed your children, all seven of them.
Officer, you won't get excited if I park in the no parking zone, will you?
Although your check bounced, we are crediting your account as paid in full.
Your phone company is more than happy to provide you with this free service.
Junior, any time you need money, just call home and ask.
Jailer, I hate to leave this jail, the food is so good and there is so much of
it.
The best example of patriotism? Right off hand, I'd think it would be Ollie
North.
The NRA feels quite strongly that these guns should be banned and their sale
prohibited.
And so I told the IRS agent is was none of his .... business!
I've hunted for years without a license. When did this all start?
Well, I was losing a lot of money, so I burned my own store down.
Your local Credit Collection Agency wishes you all the best for the Christmas
Season.
Let's make new coffee, here come the Mormon Missionaries.
It was one of those full service places, and they washed the windshield and
aired the tires.
We made our fortune selling crab grass seed.
I've never seen an editorial in the paper with which I disagreed in any way.
Although you failed to put a stamp on your envelope, the Postal Service is
happy to help you.
Ronald Reagan will probably be remembered as a President overly concerned with
details.
And every student in America can look up to Vice President Dan Quayle.
Our son, Joe, will be more than happy to cut your lawn all summer, for free.
We couldn't have afforded this house without everyone in the family selling
drugs.
You haven't lived till you try anchovie pizza with marshmellow sauce.
We owe our health and prosperity to Jim and Tammy Bakker.
Won't you join us in forming the Oliver North for President Committee?
Although we saw your children pull up my wife's prize roses yesterday, we love
them.
Our garage sale was such a success we've going on vacation to Hawaii.
Senator Hart, I'd like you to meet Ms. Dumbucks, and our yacht is yours for the
weekend.
You have lost our baggage? Oh, that's alright, we'll just wear these for the
next two weeks.
We can't leave until the Jehovah's Witnesses get here. I'd just hate to miss
them.
Judge, I think I deserve at least twice the time you gave me.
Sure I cheat. How else can one be a successful poker player?
I would't think of letting you drive the children to camp. We look forward to
it.
Through special legislation, you will no longer be required to pay any form of
tax.
The office closes at four, but if you can only get here at five, we will stay
open.
This is not an appeal for money, we do not need it and don't want it.
Jerry Falwell
Ordinarily, parking here is $5 an hour, but for you, today, it's free!
The thing that stands out in our memory of the trip was the clean restrooms in
the subway.
We don't charge for labor, unless the repair takes over an hour.
If you can't trust Jimmy Swaggart, then who can your trust?
And you may already have won a free ten day vacation at the PTL Grand Heritage
Hotel!
And quite honestly, we are going to tell you what we put in our sausage.
As a teacher, I always feel bad when summer vacation time rolls around.
I purchased my entire summer wardrobe at a Store Wide sale in Naiman-Marcus
for $ 40!
We are always glad to hear that someone wants to use our boat on the lake.
Sure you can borrow my car for your driving test. What are friends for?
Our divorce settlement was fair, and I feel I got far more than I deserved.
I sure will miss driving all these kids to Little League Games.
Oh, yes, we know you broke it, but we will take care of it ourselves.
Thank you, Officer, this is the first time I have gotten five citations at
once.
Thanks for the parking ticket, officer, your handwriting is excellent.
From the
JOKIN' AROUND DISK
by
LEEJAN ENTERPRISES
P.O. Box 66. Happy Valley.
South Australia. 5159.